I feel I have to say this.
Although I haven't showed y'all, I'm a very creative person with above-average knowledge and thinking. My drawings and my writings since childhood. My 'imaginary' world, Starland at my childhood. My interest in
Pokémon,
Digimon,
Neopets and
Sonic the Hedgehog. All those inspirations. The notebooks I've written down the crazy stuff. The
Harry Potter/Hogwarts loosely-based-spinoff of the
Olympic Games, the Gawtshor (anagram for hoGwarts) Games
(including Math quizes, basketball league, soccer league, quidditch cup, since 1314, every 2 years, only around 19th century, other teams joined, original four: Red, Yellow, Green, Blue All teams' names are colours, it's my own little world) and then some reality tv-spinoff for Digimon. All-DigitalDestined Tamer. (Sort of loosely inspired from All-American Girl) I'd be probably scanning pages of wild fantasies (
NOTHING EXPLICT. I'M ONLY 6-14.) before I probably get limited thinking.
WHY?!?!? Today, I have 4 frenzy appoinments. Medical ones. At first in the morning, where it's supposed to be
back-to-school madness, I've to go to my 2nd
neurologist appoinment in
BC Children's Hospital. I'll NOT enclose their names, although they were kind and sort of understanding and I don't want to give pressure to any medical personnel. Lots of questions were asked/answered, like Do I have any hallunications or whatever, but they of course, are non-existent in Jus' Crazy Mind. I think I answered something too detailed/off the hook, because soon later, one of them stated that PROBABLY, my process of thinking is WRONG. WRONG. WRONG!!! Ok, are those doctors trying to go and get a quick clue for my headache? (It's been 5 bad, excruciating months, and it's gonna be more than half a year sooner) Those were kiddie, childhood, freetime stuff! I mean, maybe there's a reason of when I see
Hip Hop videos, I know the 'conspiracy' of all those rappers. Others can't see it. Some classmates are already FLIRTING. Acting like their hip hop gods. Maybe there's a reason why I keep listening to hit music and analyzing which song is best for my soundtrack of each Digimon human character. Maybe there's a reason of all those visualizin'. THE DREAMS. I learnt a important lesson from the last episode of
Digimon Season 2. Hold on to your
dreams. Don't give up even though they sound crazy, or you're giving up yourself. Then I had my psychiarsts from the Hospital too to come over and they collbarated to give me and my Dad an extra meeting. At that time, everyone's lookin' confused. My words were weary. Oh gosh.
3rd meeting. To the orthodontists! I currently wear painful braces, and it's been over a year. I had them days before my b'day, March 7. This time, *STRONGER* wires. Owch. My mouth is sore to death. Then finally, a 4th meeting with the psychiarts! The original one! I had taken 4 notebooks: One which was drawn/scribbled/wrote on during 1997-1999 (rarely after that), another from 2000-2002, another written at various, and finally one I wrote since late 2004. Those perhaps could help them. In the end, it seems I (perhaps) need to take medication to (perhaps) limit my memory/thinking/whatever. I called my mom and it seems what I was doing now (Media/Anime/IT) could be reality when I grow up. Maybe my dad/mom should've saw the signs at 1997. The Starland thing, then the Pokemon craze with my inventing lots of new ones, Digimon, where I imagined/visualized the characters, all that jazz, and finally now, Sonic, Knuckles, Tails, etc. I remember one of the psychiarsts asking me whether is it any worth to live in this world. Actualy I was waiting for someone to say that. I told him this which could inspire MILLIONS:
Tell you what, it is absolutely a million percent unreasonabe to end my life. I'm basically a package of ideas. If I end now, who knows what difference I could bring to the world? I remember a new article about a child prodigy who commited suicide at the tender age of 14. He could have had an impact in the world. So after the hell of a time I've experienced since the headache begun, I haven't gave up!
Oops, I have to go to school next day. Back 2 skool gloom! Oh man...
COMMENTS PLEASE! ANYONE, I repeat, ANYONE can POST! Thank y'all!
Written in the dark and dim candlelight,
Jw21 - Fanz of Da Knux!
